five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize