There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
