shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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