Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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