I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize