I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
