Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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