"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found the puke drawer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
