guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
