my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize