So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
