Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
