I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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