i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
