Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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