wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
