once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
