yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
