I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
