Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
