Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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