You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize