hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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