Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
