dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
