I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
