she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
