I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
