Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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