I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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