So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
