You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
