You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize