I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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