And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
