I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
