meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you never un-have a 4some
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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