I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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