Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
