Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
