Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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