he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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