she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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