sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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