he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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