if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
