Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
