I CAN MOONWALK!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
