White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
