I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
