Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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