i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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