If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
