i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
