she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
