a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
