how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
