Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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