"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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