oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
