May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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