Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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