There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
