I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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