The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
