My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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