She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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